Cyberjoke Friday edition v1.3

Let’s look at Will and Guy’s joke site today(08/14/2015):

http://www.guy-sports.com/humor/computers/computer_jokes.htm

computer_marriage.  (image from guy-sports.com)

E-mail communication can always cause problems… 🙂

Mystery Joke: (a bit dated …)

{Ricky, a customer, visits PC Express, the computer store, ‘I’m looking for a mystery Adventure Game with lots of graphics. You know, something really challenging.’

‘Well,’ replies the shop assistant, ‘Have you tried Windows Vista?’}

10 laws of computing  best 3 IMHO

1. The number one cause of computer problems are computer solutions.

2. When the going gets tough, upgrade your computer.

3. To err is human … to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, its downright natural.

 

Microsoft’s employee of month (August)

{ Mujibar was trying to get a job in India.

The Personnel Manager said, ‘Mujibar, you have passed all the MCSE exams, except one. Unless you pass this test you cannot qualify for this job.’

Mujibar said, ‘I am ready’

The manager said, ‘Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink and Green.’

Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, ‘Mister manager, I am ready’

The manager said, ‘Go ahead.’ Mujibar said, ‘The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, ‘Yellow, this is Mujibar.’

Mujibar now works as a technician at a call center for computer problems. }

(All above jokes from Will and Guy’s joke site.

 

And for the final “Joke” of the day/Week – Defcon 23 edition:

Chris Rock’s DefCon23 pdf:  “I will Kill You & Birth You”

 

There is also a youtube video now of this presentation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9FdHq3WfJgs&feature=youtu.be

chrisrock

Chris Rock – promoting his DefCon talk

200patientsdied

It is interesting that the death certificate process is the following in many countries:

deathcertificateprocess

Chris now details how he would actually fill out the forms in USA: California and Australia.

Apparently you can even upload “bulk” deaths in Victoria state government site.

Then lists several reasons for killing yourself:

Kill yourself. Enjoy your Life Insurance whilst your alive. No more sinking your boat at sea, or hiding out in Mexico. Start with a new Identification.

 

Now of course the thing to do is … REBIRTH

birthregistrationprocess

 

Guess what to do now? hack the birth registration process…

How about a Virtual Baby?

virtualbaby

I did not want to focus on the process of creating the legal papers for the baby, just the humorous meanings or maybe a bit weird actually.

Did you hear about the Shell companies?

 

How about Shell babies?

A Shell baby is an entity that appears only on paper “birth certificate”.
Can be used for immediate gain government benefits or a clean SSN.

The funny thing is you can now “kill off” the shell baby and collect on insurance, a great vehicle for money laundering.

 

Buy highly leveraged derivatives without fear of loss. If the trade pays
off fantastic, if not, the virtual can be killed off for the life insurance or bankrupted and put on the shelf for 3-7 years as defective stock (harder to get finance) and sold as a discount.

Nice DefCon23 talk Chris.

CyberJoke Friday v1.2

Enjoy Cyberjoke Friday Aug, 7, 2015 …

from

http://www.emailgoodies.faketrix.com/pics-computer-jokes-pc-humor-windows-comedy.htm

There is this Cartoon:

harddrive-backupcartoon

 

Found Al Lowe’s humor site – he has a few good Cyber Jokes.  here are 2 that I liked.

http://www.allowe.com/humor/cj-main/cyberjoke-archive.html#joke=3198

Joke #3198:

Two computer geeks were talking. “Guess what?” said one. “What?” said the other. “Yesterday, I met a gorgeous blonde in a bar.” “Really? How’d it go?” “Great. I invited her to my place, we had some drinks, she got into the mood, and she asked me to undress her.” “Whoa.” “Yeah. I took off her dress, picked her up, and put her on my desk beside my new laptop.” “No kidding! You got a new laptop?!”

http://www.allowe.com/humor/cj-main/cyberjoke-archive.html#joke=2204

Joke #2204:

There’s so much sadness in this world. For example, right now, as you read this, 17 million Americans are having sex, but you’re on the computer!

 

Out of the 17 Computer Jokes http://royal.pingdom.com/2010/06/01/17-computer-geek-jokes-and-truisms/   these 3 stand out to me:

 

Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None. It’s a hardware problem.

“I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.”
– Antone Roundy

Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

 

 

 

Cyber Joke Friday v1.1 #Cybersecurity

A great Murphy’s law site on the Net:

http://www.murphys-laws.com/murphy/murphy-computer.html

All murphy’s laws, but I want to focus on computers… and specifically Cybersecurity

 

Compiled the 6 of them on my top10…

murphyslaw in cybersecurity

 

 

First the only “security” mentions

* Law of Anti-security
The best way past a pesky security feature is a 13-year-old.

* Lulled into Security Law
A ‘debugged’ program that crashes will wipe out source files on storage devices when there is the least available backup.

 

we can change the first one

* The best way past a pesky security feature is a Chinese hacker

 

 

 

Then the  classics for computers:

* If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.

Could be changed to

* If Security is effective on a computer it will be changed

 

Or this one:

* Any given program will expand to fill all the available memory.

how about this?

* Network traffic will fill the available bandwidth (hackers scans and DDOS)

 

This one:

The subtlest bugs cause the greatest damage and problems.
Corollary – A subtle bug will modify storage thereby masquerading as some other problem.

The Corollary can be changed to :

A subtle hacker will modify your system while masquerading as a legitimate program

 

 

How about this one?

* Still backing up your files? ask the NSA for restore when your restore fails

 

 

Please contact US to add to this list -also on Twitter @fixvirus

 

 

 

Cyber jokes Friday Edition v1.0

#10 You can take the nerd out of the cyber war room, but you can’t remove the computers.

Also a good Abbott and Costello Cyber routine:
This is a good “Cyber Joke” movie:  “The Interview”
It is pretty funny – to think that somebody hacked Sony due to their bad security practices for a movie that is  about a leader of a nation that makes him look funny.
sony-hacked